Thursday, April 25, 2013

Being 20 Somthing


They call it the “Quarter Life Crisis.” It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn’t know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that those friends that you thought you were so close to aren’t exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don’t recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren’t really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn’t. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.
You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can’t meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren’t a bad person.

You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you’d just like to be contender!
What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and out worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. - Anonymous
I love this. I've read it many times over and each time I do, I find myself identifying with each passage. For the last few years I've been struggling with this elusive "quarter life crisis", trying to find my place in this world and to be honest, I don't think you ever do. Life is meant to be explored and you move forward with each new phase and each chapter that life brings to you.

Thinking back to where my life was a year ago, I had a very idealistic view on life. I had the love of a man who I thought was the one,  a wonderful group of friends and the only missing piece to the puzzle was to land my dream job. But as we all know, life hardly ever goes to plan and now at the age of 25 I find myself single, living at home and in a job that was only ever meant to be temporary. If I had been forewarned at 18 that this is how my life would turn out to be, I would have been mortified.

This time last year, I thought  I was well on my way to living the dream. I thought that my dream was to go to uni, climb the corporate ladder, fall in love, get married & live happily ever after. I was 3/4 of the way there, but was I happy? No.

You see the downfall of being a chronic people pleaser like myself is that you settle for what you think you should do and you mistake other people's hopes & wants for your life as your own. It's a dangerous trap to fall into and when you do settle, there will eventually come a day where you stop and examine your life and ask yourself; "am I living the life I want?" This is a question that I've asked myself many times over the last year and while I knew the answer, I refused to listen to the voice inside my head because when you hear voices in your head, you must be crazy! But I'm beginning to realize that it's more crazy not to listen to that little voice. There is no one in this world who is more qualified to tell you how to live your life than you!



As Oprah says;
"Life whispers to you all the time..."Your life is speaking to you all around, from the time you wake up in the morning, in every single experience that's coming into your personal space. All of those experiences are speaking to you. They're telling you something about your life and about your circumstances."

1 comment:

Krissy said...

I've been going through this as well, but for me its about trying to find the right career...although after alot of searching and time to think and get other people's opinions, I finally realise the type of occupation that would best suit me, and I'm on my way to finding it. Its also funny that now that I'm feeling more settled, I'm being contacted by jobs I've applied for, to come in for interviews!

Anyway - enough about me. This feeling will pass. Just think about what you want, don't worry about anyone else's expectations. Thats something I really needed to get into my head! You'll feel better for it :)